Day Two: So far, so good!

It's Day 2 and I haven't blown it! That may not mean much to some, but to me, it does! I cannot begin to count the number of times I have blown a diet by day 2. In fact, there have been times I've not made it through day 1...so wooo hoooo!

I also attended my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting today. After looking into meetings, I decided to attend online meetings. Several factors went into this decision. First off, I'm very shy and become very anxious in new situations with lots of new people. Secondly, the meeting times though not impossible with my schedule were definitely inconvenient. They were during the times I get to spend with my husband and kids, which is very limited when my classes are in session. I already have to use some of this time to take karate and I often struggle with feeling guilty for going and have to remind myself that taking care of myself is not selfish. So, in the spirit of setting myself up for success, I decided online meetings were best for me at this time.

The meeting was interesting and everyone was welcoming. I feel that I am a compulsive eater, but I'm struggling with feeling confidant that OA is the right place for me. Maybe everyone feels this way when they first start? I'm determined to give it my best try, so I'll be attending another meeting on Friday.

I am expecting the next few days to be challenging as we're traveling to visit my BFF for New Year's. The whole trip will be challenge after challenge for me. We're driving for 5 hours so we'll be picking up lunch on the road. Then I'll need to make sure I watch my caloric intake from adult beverages on NYE. And then we're driving back home. In the past, situations like these quickly lead to my determination quickly disappearing and morphing into a downward spiral. I've identified my best options at the fast food places we're most likely to stop and I'm planning on taking some fruit with us. If you happen to be reading this and have advice for how to stay on track when road tripping and celebrating, I'd love to hear it!

Day One: My name is Dani and I have a problem...

Starting weight: 210 lbs
Goal Weight: 140 lbs
Pounds til Goal Weight: 70 lbs

As a serial dieter, I've done this enough times to know the drill. Set a realistic goal with an achievable timeframe. Set mini-goals along the way. Reward yourself as you obtain your goals. Track your meals. Exercise.

But I've done this many times before. Most recently, I signed up for Weight Watchers online, started taking karate and I worked really hard on setting up this fantastic chart inspired by a pin seen on pinterest and taped it on the pantry door to help keep me on track. Then the stress of finals got to me, then it was Christmas. So today, I found myself in the same place I have been soooo many times before: Getting dressed, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, and feeling guilty for not sticking to my plan.

So, if I know what to do and how to do it, why am I still overweight? Why does it feel like I've been dieting my entire adult life just to see the numbers on the scale, climb higher and higher each year? I've suspected for some time now that I have an emotional eating or compulsive eating disorder.

Tonight, I found myself on the Overeaters Anonymous website, where I found this list of questions to help determine if you have a compulsive eating problem.

1. Do I eat when I’m not hungry, or not eat when my body needs  nourishment? 
2. Do I go on eating binges for no apparent reason, sometimes eating until I’m stuffed or even feel sick? 
3. Do I have feelings of guilt, shame or embarrassment about my weight or the way I eat? Yes, 
4. Do I eat sensibly in front of others and then make up for it when I am alone?
5. Is my eating affecting my health or the way I live my life?
6. When my emotions are intense—whether positive or negative—do I find myself reaching for food?
7. Do my eating behaviors make me or others unhappy?
8. Have I ever used laxatives, vomiting, diuretics, excessive exercise, diet pills, shots or other medical interventions (including surgery) to try to control my weight?
9. Do I fast or severely restrict my food intake to control my weight?
10. Do I fantasize about how much better life would be if I were a different size or weight?
11. Do I need to chew or have something in my mouth all the time: food, gum, mints, candies or beverages?
12. Have I ever eaten food that is burned, frozen or spoiled; from containers in the grocery store; or out of the garbage?
13. Are there certain foods I can’t stop eating after having the first bite?
14. Have I lost weight with a diet or “period of control” only to be followed by bouts of uncontrolled eating and/or weight gain?
15. Do I spend too much time thinking about food, arguing with myself about whether or what to eat, planning the next diet or exercise cure, or counting calories?

I said yes to all but one of these questions.

So, my new plan is to work through my underlying compulsive eating issues while following Weight Watchers Points Plus, continuing my karate classes, and documenting my experiences here.